New Year All At Once, And New Me A Little At A Time

Thank you for stopping by my blog. This is my chance to come up for air, to reflect on life's input since the last time I posted, to order it, make sense of it, and to reject some of it altogether as distracting or misinterpreted noise. This new blog is also my chance to share some of what I have learned and have grown through in a format that lets me actively seek feedback as I attempt to develop a writing voice similar to that of those narrators I admire who can convey the world they are exploring to their readers. Since my faith teaches me that knowledge either puffs me up or is graciously offered in ways that creatively serve others, I'm opting for the latter in 2017. That means I'm hoping to hear from you about specifics from my entries that bless you or confuse you. Writing, like any other skill, has talent as an ingredient, but it is improved with time, practice, and adaptation based on input from other people. This, along with my request for your help, is my effort to start improving as a writer so I can minister to more people.



From the general to the specific, the first week back to work in the new year can be a tough one. Most of us have had some time off, and we often use some of that time to make projections, some realistic and some not, about how different life and work will be in the new year. The ups and downs of my particular work environment in college enrollment can present a particularly challenging introduction to the new year because society seems to pump extra hope, and therefore potentially more bitter disappointment, into the places where higher education takes place. Every call, every email, and every walk-in represents somebody's hope for a different life to be brought into the world by means of the community college's programs. Although seeking this help weeks ago would have made the interactions and transactions easier for both prospective student and service provider, the sense of urgency we both feel still compounds as the beginning of the semester approaches. Even when the workday is finished, if there are requests I have been unable to respond to, I can tend to feel as though my work identity is less than complete. Somebody else in my role, I reason or I fear, might have rescued more of these people during this day, or this week. Imagine my surprise, when this self-evaluative but distracting conversation in my head was interrupted by the chance to hear what the actual people who evaluate my work think through the thin walls of our cubicles. My supervisor's supervisor expresses mild amazement to him that I have enough knowledge to help students outside of my immediate area of responsibility. I got to hear my boss respond in a matter-of-fact tone that he has come to expect this kind of extra-mile work from me. Eavesdropping is not generally an admirable activity, but one instance of hearing that one's work is respected as a matter of course can go a long way.



I also got to see the perpetually on trial self-definition from another vantage point. One of the last students I helped was represented by his wife. She adored him, and it was immediately evident on her face and in her words. This is a man who was a full-time worker, full-time husband, and full-time father but was going to find time for school to improve life for his family because, as she said, beaming, she got a good guy. Because of all he did, she was glad to represent him and advocate for him in the college admissions process. Her zeal, though, weighed on her because she didn't get a document to us by the time we needed it. She said school meant so much to her husband, and she said that he was going to be "a little bit crushed" if he didn't get to start.



He is going to start school on Monday. We made sure of it. If I had seen this husband, father, and worker in person, though, I wouldn't have known that he was just as crushable if he didn't reach his preset benchmarks as I am if I don't do the same. Since I know my limits better than I know the vulnerabilities of the stranger to whom I extend the benefit of the doubt, I would have begun to construct reasons while I feel an anxiety he doesn't, why I have limits he does not.  Facebook's On This Day provides a sense of continuity which is often lost in my in-the-moment anxious mindset, and from portal to the past I got to see the reinforcement I got in helping a former soldier and future emergency medical technician, a physically strong and brave individual who is bodily constructed to do things I am not built for. When I thanked the student from a year ago for serving our community in the way he does, he responded with, "You, too." Perhaps by this remark he meant to include me in those who make possible the service he provides that I could not render, or perhaps he was just being polite. Whatever the expanse or limitations of his intentions, my encounter with him continues to resonate.

This is the power of a second glance or another moment's reflection on to routine encounters. How close to the surface are the vulnerabilities of those with whom we interact? If we could more readily understand that he or she deals with some of the same limits we do, would it be easier to find our compassion? Conversely, would it be easier to grow a little more, to reach a little farther, to help if we really knew how others see us at our best? If we knew the person we are helping and the life they live are not SO different from our own, would this decrease the constricting pressure we feel to help while increasing our positive motivation to do what we can?

I'm putting these down as markers from the previous week, in addition to the marker that comes from initiating this blog and asking for constructive feedback. If I've helped you relate to these experiences or similar revelations in your life, please let me know. If you were on your way to this kind of experience and something in my words got in the way, please let me know that. This blog, and its writer, are works in progress toward being a bigger blessing.