Halftime Coaching
C.S. Lewis was self-conscious enough about undertaking the coming-of-age memoir that became Surprised by Joy that he expressed his diffident ambivalence in print at the book's beginning. In short order, though, he recovered his healthy sense of the worth of his own story. At an incremental intellectual milestone of his childhood early in the book, he tells the reader, if you didn't find this interesting, you probably won't find the rest of the book interesting. Neither his introspection nor his candor have caused many people to close the book. It has become a classic.
In that tradition, my landmark event upon Coming Up for Air for the week doesn't make its own noise. With Lewis, I reflect back with honesty that it was important to me. With the encouragement of one of my steady readers, I keep in mind that this alone might be reason enough to find print. Alfred Hitchcock said drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Bill Klein of the reality show The Little Couple assured a questioner that his business was doing fine, but that watching it in the show would be like watching paint dry. As my business these days is looking for work, that accounts for a lot of dull bits to cut out, and a lot of repetition as novel as paint drying.
One potential boss probed so close to the current state and future projections of my mind, though, that I'm making an exception to record here what might be an interesting point for future comparisons. He asked for two or three paragraphs responding in writing to this prompt: "Please tell us about one of the professional challenges you have experienced and how this position may help you in working on it." As I've already demonstrated again, patient reader, it typically takes me that long to get started. Perhaps the culling or crystallization of the thoughts that made the cut will be of use.
Richard Rohr said in Falling Upward that middle-age is when we know people are trying to solve their problems through us. With that in mind, and with the admonition from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that we readily project our issues on to others, I'm wary of setting up any encounter in which someone needs my help as prominently about my opportunity to grow personally. This projection of talk or work as therapy can distract from client needs as they present themselves.
Even so, the question of how the servant can mature in the opportunity to serve is a good one. The kind of self-examination it calls for is healthy, and humbling. I have recently become more aware of how reluctant I am to confront issues. This is based on the shaky tripod of three assumptions. (1) I can assume a possible issue isn't as important as it seems to be at the moment. (2) I can assume the issue will fade away on its own. (3) I can assume tension will escalate and impede progress if a dialogue takes place. Spelled out in black and white for careful consideration, each of these assumptions falters and falls. The tension I perceive in a given moment over an issue or with a person may be a warning that a mutually respectful and calm conversation needs to take place. The tingling of interpersonal intuition is not a call to overreact, but it is an alert to consider action. My implicit assumption that potential issues will fade away on their own hasn't proven true in my experience, either. Small issues, in fact, tend to get twisted with one another into large knots, unacknowledged and untied. This position provides an opportunity to deepen a mature commitment to calm assertiveness when growing as a part of a team with the same goal, to help the client go to work.
The lessons we learn in the process of interacting with fellow helpers proactively and productively directly impacts our effectiveness with clients. By working effectively with staff who have more experience and insight than the average client can be expected to possess, we learn which words and tones are triggers and which tend to build mutual trust. By working effectively with staff, our patience is strengthened and validated. We are better prepared to give our clients the benefit of the doubt and to search for the right time to speak to issues that are blocking their path to employment. Finally, in dealing honestly and graciously with each other as fellow helpers, we develop a ready fund of time-tested, true-to-life anecdotes we can draw on to persuade clients to try a different approach. In my experience, nothing lowers the defensiveness of the person I am trying to help more quickly than my appropriate confession of struggles with some of the same issues. Compelling are the words, I’ve been in this hole before, big or small, and I know one way out.
Will the second half of my career find me more willing to speak the supposedly unspeakable? Can it become habitual, customary, even comfortable, to ask the question behind the question in order to focus on serving others at the expense of temporary self protection? Which of your assumptions, dear reader, are growing thin in their usefulness as you mature? Will the bravery to toss them aside, even with replacements uncertain, help you to be more honest with yourself and a better, braver servant of others? I would love to hear your thoughts.
In that tradition, my landmark event upon Coming Up for Air for the week doesn't make its own noise. With Lewis, I reflect back with honesty that it was important to me. With the encouragement of one of my steady readers, I keep in mind that this alone might be reason enough to find print. Alfred Hitchcock said drama is life with the dull bits cut out. Bill Klein of the reality show The Little Couple assured a questioner that his business was doing fine, but that watching it in the show would be like watching paint dry. As my business these days is looking for work, that accounts for a lot of dull bits to cut out, and a lot of repetition as novel as paint drying.
One potential boss probed so close to the current state and future projections of my mind, though, that I'm making an exception to record here what might be an interesting point for future comparisons. He asked for two or three paragraphs responding in writing to this prompt: "Please tell us about one of the professional challenges you have experienced and how this position may help you in working on it." As I've already demonstrated again, patient reader, it typically takes me that long to get started. Perhaps the culling or crystallization of the thoughts that made the cut will be of use.
Richard Rohr said in Falling Upward that middle-age is when we know people are trying to solve their problems through us. With that in mind, and with the admonition from Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People that we readily project our issues on to others, I'm wary of setting up any encounter in which someone needs my help as prominently about my opportunity to grow personally. This projection of talk or work as therapy can distract from client needs as they present themselves.
Even so, the question of how the servant can mature in the opportunity to serve is a good one. The kind of self-examination it calls for is healthy, and humbling. I have recently become more aware of how reluctant I am to confront issues. This is based on the shaky tripod of three assumptions. (1) I can assume a possible issue isn't as important as it seems to be at the moment. (2) I can assume the issue will fade away on its own. (3) I can assume tension will escalate and impede progress if a dialogue takes place. Spelled out in black and white for careful consideration, each of these assumptions falters and falls. The tension I perceive in a given moment over an issue or with a person may be a warning that a mutually respectful and calm conversation needs to take place. The tingling of interpersonal intuition is not a call to overreact, but it is an alert to consider action. My implicit assumption that potential issues will fade away on their own hasn't proven true in my experience, either. Small issues, in fact, tend to get twisted with one another into large knots, unacknowledged and untied. This position provides an opportunity to deepen a mature commitment to calm assertiveness when growing as a part of a team with the same goal, to help the client go to work.
The lessons we learn in the process of interacting with fellow helpers proactively and productively directly impacts our effectiveness with clients. By working effectively with staff who have more experience and insight than the average client can be expected to possess, we learn which words and tones are triggers and which tend to build mutual trust. By working effectively with staff, our patience is strengthened and validated. We are better prepared to give our clients the benefit of the doubt and to search for the right time to speak to issues that are blocking their path to employment. Finally, in dealing honestly and graciously with each other as fellow helpers, we develop a ready fund of time-tested, true-to-life anecdotes we can draw on to persuade clients to try a different approach. In my experience, nothing lowers the defensiveness of the person I am trying to help more quickly than my appropriate confession of struggles with some of the same issues. Compelling are the words, I’ve been in this hole before, big or small, and I know one way out.
Will the second half of my career find me more willing to speak the supposedly unspeakable? Can it become habitual, customary, even comfortable, to ask the question behind the question in order to focus on serving others at the expense of temporary self protection? Which of your assumptions, dear reader, are growing thin in their usefulness as you mature? Will the bravery to toss them aside, even with replacements uncertain, help you to be more honest with yourself and a better, braver servant of others? I would love to hear your thoughts.
I, for one, hereby abandon assumptions grown archaic. unsure what assumptions(?) Will fill that void(s), I am committed to courage to carry me through.
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