Learning Love from Those We Love

In this morning's New York Times, David Brooks relates in the headline atop his editorial, "Students learn from those they love." He says the relationship with a class he taught was stronger and the class more engaged when he was vulnerable enough to admit that he had to cancel class for personal reasons. From this admission of weakness, of humanness, he says the effective, humble educator leads students to new things to love.

I have been swimming in the Paul-Timothy relationship in their New Testament books for a couple of months, so it's not surprising that the latest worthwhile thinking I encounter should direct me there. As early as the first five verses of 1 Timothy 1, Paul gives a practical directive that Timothy should stay engaged in the Lord's work where he is, but then pivots to remind him of the paramount affections beneath. 1 Timothy 1:5 explains, "Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience."

The what may be, stay put, but the why matters a great deal. The what to avoid, a host of unworthy distractions, is enshrined in Holy Scripture, but Paul and the Holy Spirit both know we need to be pulled TOWARD something greater than positive habits for their own sake.

Paul also engages personal history in ways we can learn from. I know your history, he tells Timothy, connecting the younger man's calling to Timothy's heritage from his mother and his grandmother. I know the quality of your work, he reminds Timothy from the place of a first-hand witness. Like Brooks telling his class, even vaguely, that he gets pushed around by the same human events that impact them, this is part of the lesson, not a distraction from it.

Our transparency can be used to similar ends. James MacDonald admits in Christ-Centered Counseling, ""You can't teach a person to love something. But you can get him to feel the heat of your love for something." By fully experiencing Christ's love and sufficiency at the same time as we run up against our limitations, and admitting to both, our human relationships are pulled tighter. People around us might begin to trace our gaze vertically and to be drawn to worship the One we worship.

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